Then at the end of April my company decided to condense their clinics and I went on a furlough. I volunteered because I felt like I wasn't in the right headspace to work and care for my patients and also take care of my family and myself. It was too much for my anxiety. I've been on furlough now for 8 weeks and there is no end in sight as to when I'll go back to work.
I'm now 32 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy for the most part has gone by without complications, except my mental health. I have an anxiety disorder and I've been on medication for it for years. At first, being at home helped with my anxiety but then I got lonely and depressed being at home alone with very little to do. I upped my medication twice since being home and I've gotten somewhat used to this time of being home alone. I've been able to rest, work on getting ready for the baby and organize my house. We also decided to keep our boys in daycare as to not disrupt their routine and learning and also so I don't become overwhelmed with them at home. I reached out to friends and tried to stay in communication with them. My sister-in-law is also pregnant and I also made a group chat with former co-workers whom are also pregnant during this crazy time. It's been nice to talk to others who are going through the same craziness as I am.
Being pregnant during this pandemic is scary. They are still learning about this virus and how it works. They are finding new information all the time. I'm at a place now that I've tried to not look at news, articles, and social media too much. When I was working, it was in my face all day and was too much to handle. I keep myself updated on what I need to know and talk with my midwives about what I need to know as a pregnant woman. My husband also tells me what he has learned since he's also a nurse and is still working.
Where I live, most hospitals are only allowing mothers to have one designated visitor during their stay. Some won't allow anyone in if she is COVID positive. There's also a few hospitals who are not allowing midwives to practice in the hospitals to reduce the amount of staff. This means if the mom is getting prenatal care from a midwife, she will be taken care of by a doctor at the hospital that she doesn't know. I don't agree with this as it can result in a negative outcome. She doesn't know this doctor and they don't know her. Having a relationship with the mom before birth is very important.
I have midwives that have their own free-standing birth center, which isn't a hospital. This is acceptable for low risk moms and is very close to the hospital in case of complications. The thing that concerns me about this is if a complication happens, my midwives can't come with me nor can my doula who is cleared to be there. However, I'm very thankful that my husband is able to come. There are hospitals across the country who haven't allowed mothers to have any support person with them, including spouses. My heart aches for them and I can't imagine doing birth without my husband by my side or even someone I know. This practice also requires more work for the nurses who are already being overworked during this crazy time.
I'm also concerned about my postpartum period, as this is a time that I welcome visitors and try to get out of the house to break up the day and keep my anxiety and depression at bay. When this time comes, I'm not sure whom I will be comfortable with visiting and will probably limit myself and baby to only a car ride outside of the house. Thankfully it will still be summer and we can spend time in our yard for fresh air, sunshine, and drive by visits.
It's also been difficult to be truly happy and excited about this pregnancy. COVID has stolen this time from me. Although, this pregnancy has also been a struggle physically. We recently got all our baby stuff from the attic. Baby clothes have been washed and put away. The nursery is almost ready. My sisters in
Michigan also created a virtual baby shower for my family out that way even though this is our third child. These things have made me happy and excited again. I wish I could hurry up and get to the part where our little boy is here and we can enjoy him, but for now we will have to wait and I will keep finding ways to to be positive and excited.
I want to write more blog posts but for now won't put pressure on myself. I will do it when I want to. I have a lot of topics I'd like to share. Hopefully, I will get back into it. I also want to commend my fellow nurses and healthcare workers who are still working, especially those who are pregnant. The ones caring for the COVID patients, in the ER, ICU and other difficult areas, you are the true heroes. For awhile, I felt upset that I couldn't help more or I wasn't in the trenches with you myself. I even considered volunteering to work at the COVID hospital. However, I know that in my current state, I wouldn't be very helpful nor would it be good for me physically or mentally.
If you're pregnant during this time, let me know what has helped you and how you're doing. Meanwhile everyone stay safe, happy and healthy.
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