What We Don’t Tell You or You don’t know until you’re in labor
If you’ve never had a baby before there are A LOT of things you didn’t know about that happened. Then when they happened, you were blindsided. You may feel embarrassed or surprised and think, “No one told me this would happen! Why didn’t my girlfriends tell me about this?! Is this a joke?” So, I’ve compiled a list of things that you may not be aware of that could happen or that nurses and doctors/midwives don’t tell you.
1. You will poop and pee yourself. IT’S NORMAL!
During the pushing stage, you will most likely poop. You’re using the same muscles and they act as if you’re having a bowel movement and the baby’s head is pushing along your rectum, so it’s only natural that poop will come out. It’s ok. None of us care. In fact, it lets us know that the baby’s head is coming down and you’re pushing effectively. Most nurses and providers won’t mention it and wipe it away discreetly. It’s a non-event for us. Then during postpartum, there’s a good chance that you’ll pee yourself when you laugh, sneeze, cough, if you stand up or if you see Chris Hemsworth. If you’re lucky, this will last for a short time during your postpartum period. For a lot of women, we’re screwed for life. I’ve had 2 babies and sometimes still pee myself. If I am sick and cough a lot, I have to wear a pad at all times. Yes, it’s gross and inconvenient but it’s life. If it’s really bad for you, you can talk to your provider about it.
2. Labor and birth is not like the movies!
In movies, moms are rushed to the hospital and it’s a big production with everyone panicking. Labor (especially with your first) can take hours or even days. So, before you head to the hospital, call your provider or the hospital. The rule of thumb in your first baby is to wait until you’ve had contractions that last for 1 minute consistently for an hour and are 5 minutes apart. This is called the 5-1-1 rule. The pushing stage also takes a long time (again especially with your first baby). It can take roughly 2-3 hours, on average. With my first baby, I pushed for 3 ½ hours. However, they made me push as soon as I was 10cm (which takes more work) and he was not in a good position.
3. Your water breaking is also not like the movies.
It’s not a dramatic event where an Olympic size pool is emptying out of you. Sometimes you can hear a pop and there’s a gush of fluid. Sometimes it doesn’t happen until way later at the hospital. Sometimes it’s a slow leak. Sometimes you can have other leakage of fluid that is confusing and you’re not sure if it’s your water or something else. It could be pee or it could just be vaginal secretions. I myself was convinced that my water broke with my second, but nope it turned out to be vaginal secretions. There are even very rare occasions when the baby is born still inside the bag of water. If you’re not sure if your water has broken call your provider.
4. Hemorrhoids are literally a pain in the ass.
You may have heard about getting hemorrhoids after birth. It’s very common and there’s medication to decrease the size and discomfort. Hemorrhoids are when you have swollen veins in your rectum or anus. This occurs because of all the pressure being put on the area during birth and pushing. They can be painful to sit on if they are actively swollen, but again there are over the counter medications that you can take to reduce the swelling and pain.
5. We don’t care about seeing your vagina.
We see vaginas all day, every day. It’s a normal part of our workday and it’s essential for our job. However, we will do our best to be discreet and keep your modesty as much as we can and as much as you are comfortable. I had a patient once who brought a cake for the nurses that read, “You had to look at my vagina, so have some cake!” I died when she gave it to me. I promise, we don’t care.
6. You are not yourself during labor. You may become a cross between The Hulk and a demon.
When I was in labor with my 2 boys, it was like I was possessed by some other being that was ready to sucker punch anyone! Even my husband or a priest! I have helped many moms in labor whom have yelled at their spouses, the providers, and myself. We don’t take it personally and neither should your family/friends. Shortly after the baby comes, your normal self will come back like the baby performed an exorcism.
7. Most likely, your doctor won’t show up until the last minute.
That’s right, the nurse will probably be the only one with you until right before the baby comes. This is very common. We are in communication with the provider throughout the labor giving them updates. If you have a midwife, they will most likely be there quite early on.
8. You will be giving birth twice.
After your baby is born, you need to give ‘birth’ to your placenta. The placenta is a bit of an afterthought because you’re so in love with your baby. Your provider should let you know if you need to push. This process can take anywhere from a couple minutes to 30 minutes.
9. Y
After the placenta is born, the provider and nurse will be pushing on your belly. What we are doing is helping the uterus to expect out blood and other remaining clots or possibly bits of placenta. We want to make sure that your bleeding is under control and you don’t lose too much blood. This is a very important process as painful as it may be. This task will happen quite often at first, about every 15 minutes, and then decrease in frequency.
10. You’ll still have contractions after birth.
Your uterus has been expanding for 9 months, and now it’s trying to go back to its normal size. This causes cramping/contractions. This is supposed to happen and is very normal. The intensity of pain is different for everyone; however, it can intensify with each baby that you have. Also, if you decide to breastfeed, this can also cause contractions because it releases the hormone to contract the uterus. This again helps the uterus to go back to normal size.
11. Your lady business will not be the same.
During birth it is very common for you to tear your vaginal opening. There are 4 degrees of tearing and 1st and 2nd degree tears are quite common. You may or may not need stitches. So, immediately following the birth of your placenta your provider may be putting stitches in place. Even if you don’t tear, everything will be swollen and uncomfortable for a while. Don’t be surprised if it’s tender and uncomfortable to sit down. You’ll need some essentials for your new badge of honor afterwards.
· At the hospital, they will give you mesh panties. These are very comfortable, and you’ll not want to wear your regular underwear.
· For the first couple days you’ll also need to wear a big ass pad (basically a diaper without sides). It seems intense but you’ll be happy you wore it. Some people opt to buy adult diapers for when they go home. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
· Ice packs! Yes, ice packs are cold, but they seriously help with the swelling and pain.
· Witch hazel pads. Most hospitals will give you some, but if not, they are available at any pharmacy. You can even put them in the fridge for a cooling effect like the ice.
· There’s also numbing spray/creams that are available over the counter. Ask your nurses or providers about this.
· Stool softeners! Since everything is swollen and tender, it will be difficult to have a bowel movement. Stool softeners will help make the go much easier and more comfortable.
· One essential you’ll get from the hospital is called a peri bottle; basically, a squirt bottle. This will help to clean your lady parts after going to the bathroom instead of wiping. You’re already wearing a pad so if you’re wet, it doesn’t matter. If you feel like you want to wipe just pat with TP. Do not wipe. It also is helping to spray the water while peeing to dilute the urine. Urine can sting on the tears and this helps a lot.
12. Breastfeeding isn’t easy for most.
BF is something that a lot of moms struggle with for many different reasons. If you have difficulty with this, it’s ok! You are not a failure! There are many different resources that can help you with your breastfeeding struggles. Lactation consultants can be very helpful at identifying what’s going wrong and help you fix them. You may also decide that for your mental health, it’s not worth it to you. That’s ok too! The best thing you can do for your baby is feed him/her. I always say, “Fed is Best.” This is a topic that will have its own post at another time.
13. Be prepared for the unexpected.
Every labor and birth is different and it never goes as planned. If you have an idea or expectations of how you want it to go, just have an open mind that it may not go the way you plan. My best advice is to have preferences of how you want things to go, but also know that hiccups can happen and don’t be too attached to your original plans.
I hope this helps and can make your experience less surprising and stressful. You’ll still have surprises and have no idea what’s going on, but I’d have to write a textbook for everything and this is a simple blog. Happy parenting!
